Hear The Silence

Chapter: The First

Hear the Silence

I am oblivious to the swirling darkness that surrounds me from a lack of sleep as I sit in my rocker recliner drifting in and out of consciousness. My mind sleepily floats through the swirling mists of the past to the pain and anguish of the present and then to a dark and dismal future seemingly without any hope, without any joy. The silence of this night is deafening and it reverberates through my mind as I succumb to the icy grip of the past and I am drawn back to a time of emotional pain and hurt identical to that which now assails me in this present moment and devastates any and all hopes and dreams for the future. Through the silent darkness of my study, with the only visible light twinkling through the blinds covering a large picture window emanating from houses across the lake as the gently swaying tree branches are buffeted by the warm gentle breezes that are rolling in from the south, I hear the silence. The branches float eerily through the dark night air like ghostly arms waving effortlessly to and fro without sound, without disturbing the stillness of this night.

Suddenly, my melancholy silence is broken by the soft and gentle flutter of a piece of paper which has slipped from my hand and lazily drifts to the floor below. My mind barely perceives these sounds as I continue to drift in and out of consciousness and exhaustion brought on by nearly fifty-six hours without any food, water or sleep. I had long forgotten the stiffness and the aches that I felt the day before brought on by sitting motionless in this very chair and staring out through now tearless eyes at a gloomy and unpromising world beyond this room.

I slowly move forward in my chair and as I strained to cut through the stillness of the night, I bent down to pick up the paper that had slipped from my hand and had so lazily crashed to the floor, deafening me through the tranquil quietness of the night.

As my hand touched the paper resting on the floor at my feet, my mind raced as I recalled the words printed on it that had been burned into my memory with a searing branding iron. These are words, words written just seven days ago, that I will never forget, yet words that were written without meaning, without commitment originating from a deceitful and untrustworthy selfish heart. This is the very same heart that committed the identical cold and cruel treatment to others before and will do so again, for this is the dark nature of this inhuman and self-centered heart.

“Again, how in the world do I deserve such a sweet-heart like you? It is so strange from going from someone who cannot think outside of his wants to you – someone who truly is interested in what I need and desire. YOU are such a treasure. Yes, I’ve said it before and I just have to repeat it again. YOU ARE A TREASURE. How in the world do you manage to do this when you had abandoned all hope? You really do amaze me. Back to your question – I am at a loss for words…YES ME! I know how WE can and could be happier (spending more time together, coming home at the end of the day to one another, me helping you, you helping me and the list goes on and on and on.) But how you can make me happier now – just keep being yourself that is all I ask of you: BE YOURSELF nothing more.

I love you!”

Dry tears cascaded down my cheeks through the deafening silence of the dismal night surrounding me.


To Be Continued: Till then live in peace, live with hope and live NOW.