AM

Couldn’t take all this anymore
So, what if I just fell to the floor
Oh, tell me what would you do?
Would you laugh in my face
And tell me to break?
Oh, tell me what would you do?

So, you say that you want more
Well what are you waiting for?
So, go ahead and slam that door
‘cause all I wanted was you
But now I’m finished with you
So, go ahead and slam that door!

You tried to make me someone else
‘cause I didn’t fit your mold
And nothing seemed to change
I finally found myself
Who I really am inside
And nothing seemed to change!

Oh, tell me what would you do?
I’m not running from you.
So, go ahead and slam that door
We’re finished for sure!
And nothing seemed to change
Now this is who I really, really am.

Walk Away

You're no better than me,
And here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars.
So, I'll be home tonight, to take a breath and say goodbye, goodbye.
The road I walk is a lonely one,
And one that I should walk alone.

So why are you so eager to again betray?
The beauty queen has lost her crown again.
So why are you the one that walks away?
Then, keep moving on until forever ends.

So, I'll be home tonight, to take a breath and say goodbye, goodbye.

Dance

Helpless I lie and left for dead,
With eyes closed, so many days go by,
You find what’s wrong,
And nothing’s ever right in your sight.

I believed in YOU,
Now I can see right through,
Those thinly veiled lies of yours.
So, I won’t stay long,
In your world gone so wrong.

I say goodbye, as I dance with the devil tonight,
I don’t dare look her in the eye,
As I dance with the devil tonight.
Feeling her cold dead eyes,
Stealing this life of mine.

So, I won’t stay long,
In your world gone so wrong.
And I must hold on,
Hold on.

Gone

Maybe I’m just getting cold,
‘cause I’m sure not getting old,
now, you used to have a heart,
but now it’s just a stone,
and though I’m standing here,
know that I’m already long gone.

Gone baby, gone
with no one to hold,
gone baby, gone
and the seeds are all planted,
only our shadows will remain,
after we’re gone baby, gone

So, we’ve got some time,
to make a dream,
but I can’t read your mind,
so tell me what you’re thinking,
with no one to hold,
gone baby, gone…

Off and Running

Woo-Hoo!!! The first draft of "The Roberts: Deceit in Love" has been sent to the editor!! This is just a working title for now, I'm still trying to come up with a title that will really grab the readers attention. Any Suggestions???

Till next time: Live in Peace, Live to the fullest and Live NOW.

Stage

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,”
William Shakespeare – As You Like It

Yes, we are all merely players on the world’s stage, acting out our bit parts as part of the whole drama, moving from scene to scene, act to act and performance to performance. We are experts at playing who we are on this stage, though some of us are well versed and adept at playing other than our recognized or revealed roles.

Some of us seamlessly slip like shadows between our character roles without leaving any evidence, inkling or suspicions as to who we really are for the world to discern; this is the art of being an actor, while others of us are locked into a single role and unable or unwilling to step out of character. Those who are unwilling or unable to step into other roles or characters are often those very same individuals who blame others for their misfortunes or society in general for their lack of status or opportunities. These individuals are akin to the leopard that cannot change his own spots; after all his spots are what makes him a leopard and therefore, unique and different from any other creature on this stage.

I have learned, no adapted to multiple roles, playing multiple characters and seamlessly slipping between the shadows cast upon the world’s theater. Like an accomplished Shakespearian actor I have adapted my character to the may and varying roles that I am confronted with each and every day. I will be cold and heartless when my role requires it, guarded and protective when the play transitions into the personal realms and inquisitive and learning when I’m involved in seeking out information.

Like the accomplished actor, I have adapted and I am able to immerse myself in whatever role I take on and I simply become a chameleon of sorts, slipping from character to character as the play transitions from act to act or scene to scene. As I have taken on new roles, I have also acquired new skills and exhibited new talents that never existed before all from deeply immersing myself into the roles that I must play.

As an example, I have become quite adept at throwing darts and playing pool, acquiring both of these skills were necessary for me as I moved onto a new venue and became part of a new play to assimilate and acquire information. I have made new friends who only know me by my stage name because that’s the only name that I have chosen to reveal to them. Yet, as I have immersed myself into this role and become one with the character, those around me have opened up and revealed many disconcerting and enlightening tidbits of information.

Yes, all the world’s a stage and we are all but actors playing out our parts, however I have found it to be very refreshing and enlightening to move beyond my chosen role, to change my nature, so to speak and become many different characters in this theatrical production. I have found the challenge of immersing and becoming different cast members to be truly exciting and thrilling.

Meaningless

When it comes to relationships (platonic or otherwise), I've gone through enough ups and downs with people to know that some relationships are worth preserving, no matter how much of your attention or energy you have to expend to maintain them.

And then there are the people you hold at arm's length, who may have rubbed you the wrong way at one point or the other, but after a moment's anger, you just shrug them off and continue to be friendly because it's much more arduous bearing the grudge than to be civil at worse and besides, you’ve realized that they're more or less insignificant in your life and any feelings of resentment that you may bear is more because of your battered ego than any real, lasting hurt.

So, what happens when someone you deeply loved as a friend, a confidant or as a lover, becomes one of those insignificant, meaningless people of your life? Or when something she does that would normally cut you to the core is now only a trifle disconcerting. Or when you realize you no longer think of her warmheartedly. Either way, you've lost all of your respect and love for her; what happens then?

I have been there, no I am there. I have many friends and a family I would never forsake, I have been through arduous trials with them and I know they were worth every bit of my effort that I exerted for them. Conversely, I have been forgotten, shattered and emotionally damaged beyond repair by others who were once the people I lived for.

I am someone today who is who he is because of what he has been through. I am very, very slow to trust, but when I do trust someone, I give it implicitly with no holds barred. I try as often as possible not to hold double standards, though most people do, even down to the smallest detail and I am often indecisive as a result. I am a cold, callous cynic but I wasn't always one; I was romantic, idealistic and naive.

So, how does your past affect your future?

I choke when I try to say "I love you" to someone, even if I do love them, because words have a kind of power of finality, of confirming what you think and how you feel and I am afraid of letting anyone see that. And these words, “I love you” sound strange and thick on my tongue now due to my new found cynical nature.

I like to and do have escape routes planned down to the smallest of details now so that no one will be able to find a way into my heart. And I have no qualms about being skeptical and cold to people who have hurt me one time too many, second chances to me are final chances, and even if it's not enough I have nothing else to offer except a polite indifference. I will walk out on everything if it means that I can protect myself.

The worst of all sins are borne out of love. People die for love all the time, though I cannot imagine why. My personal sin is making myself unhappy because I do not, cannot and will not afford myself another chance at love.

So this all boils down to what happens when someone you love becomes one of those insignificant people in your life?

With me, I walked away. I left my heart, my trust and respect trodden and spat on in the dirt along with any remnants of what might have been a delectable morsel of happiness.

Warning

I am firm believer in the idea that if you can't be a good example, you have an social obligation to be a horrible warning, so you've been warned and you must beware....

Loathing

What am I now feeling?
This flood of emotions,
So sudden and so new?

I felt this rush the moment I laid my eyes upon you.

My pulse is racing,
My head is spinning,
My face is blushing,

What IS this that I’m feeling?

It’s burning fervidly in my chest,
And now I begin to wonder,
“Does this feeling have a name?”

Yes, yes I do believe it does...

Loathing; Pure Loathing
For your face, your voice, your clothing
You’re so faux,
So, let's just say.
I loathe every part of you!

Every little trait, no matter however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl

Along with this utterly simple loathing
There comes a strange delight
And such total revulsion
So unadulterated and intoxicating!

Though this feeling, it came on fast
I do, still believe that it will last
So, just to let you know
I will be loathing, Loathing you
My whole life through!