A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To...

“Hmmm, now that was a sweet kiss!” Diane said as she brushed the hair from her eyes. “I love your kisses, I hope you know.” She added with a coy little smile.


“Of course I know; I can’t get you to stop kissing me.” I said as I shyly back away expecting her wrath.

“Oh, you are just so mean.” She said as she reached to grab my shirt and pull me closer to her. Then her lips locked tightly onto mine and I could feel her tongue softly caressing my bottom lip.

“My lady, you keep that up and we will be late for the party.” I said with my best British accent.

“I can never be late for anything with you.” She replied. “You always have to be on time and I just don’t understand why.” “I know that you have explained it to me a hundred times, but I just don’t get it.” She continued.

“Look, let’s get you in the bathroom and I’ll press your jeans for you while you change your clothes and I’ll explain it to you again, okay?” I queried.

“You just want to see me without my clothes on again, don’t you?” She accusingly asked. “Come on, admit it.”

I winked at her and said, “You really do know me don’t you?” “Now come on!” I said as I reached out for her hand and pulled her along with me into the bathroom.

As I was getting out the ironing board and iron, I continued. “Some people just don’t understand that there are no ‘what if’s’ in life.” I began.

“Have you been writing again?” Diane quipped.

“Yes, I have and I’m nearly finished with the final chapter of ‘The Deadream Alone’ then I’ll continue working on my other two books.”

As Diane disappeared into the closet to retrieve her blouse I heard her ask, “Oh, are you referring to the follow-up stories delving deeper into the Wonderland curse and its far reaching effects?”

“Yes, that’s right.” I replied. “So you really were listening to me when I told you the plots.” I said with a surprised look on my face.

“I always listen to you!” Diane said as she toss her blouse at me. “And don’t you forget it, buster.” She warned.

“Okay, okay!” “I won’t, now may I continue my story, PLEASE?”

She nodded her accent and I continued. “As I was saying, there are no ‘what if’s’ in the world, there is only ‘what is.’” “And the sooner we accept ‘what is’ the easier our lives will be”

“I’ve heard this before.” Diane said feigning boredom.

“’What if’s’ make for good story telling fodder, but ‘what is’ makes for a good life.” I paused and looked at Diane to see if she was confused or following me and then I continued. “I never blame anybody else for ‘what if’s’ and I don’t play the victim role either, I simply knew ‘what is’ then and now.”

I paused again and saw Diane smile and blow me a kiss as she stopped buttoning up her blouse.

“Do you remember how the story ended?” I asked.

“Yes, of course I do silly!” she said.

“Good, then you also know that I knew from day one that the Wonderland curse would never allow us to be together and that she would find someone else to turn to.” “Correct?”

“Yes, I knew that too.” Diane said.

“Well then, you also know, as I told everybody at ‘The One Headlight’ the other night, that I knew exactly how to push her away.” I said.

“I told her from the beginning that I was the strong one, but I knew that I would have to prove to be weak and wimpy, so that’s the way I acted.” I reiterated. “I learned from her previous relationships what she detested, which is most men by the way, and I exhibited those traits.”

“Yes, but you are the strong one and that’s just one of the many things that I LOVE about you, Lance.” She said as she leaned over and caressed my arm and kissed my hand.

“You better stop doing that Diane, or we ARE going to be late for the party.” I said as I scooped her up in my arms and carried her over to the bed. “Now put your jeans on so we can get going, please.” I pleaded.